Miscarriage
by Amako-chan
Summary: “I…Can’t…” He said as he released my hand, the blade falling onto the floor. Blood dripping along my hand like my tears dripped along my cheeks.
1. The Scariest Night Of My Life

**Chapter # 1: Scariest Night Of My Life**

I stared out the window as my mother was lifted into the ambulance. I was thirteen years old.

"M-mommy?" I whispered. I knew she couldn't hear me. I hated watching her expression of true pain. I'd never seen such a look. I watched as the ambulance drove away.

"Mommy…" I stated, hot tears trailing down and along my cheeks.

I climbed into my bed, crying into my pillow, trying to block out my cries, so I didn't wake my father, or my little sister, Maiko.

"Is my mommy gonna…die?" I questioned myself. I knew it was childish at thirteen to say "Mommy" instead of "Mom." I didn't care. I'd never really cared what people thought about me and how I acted. More tears trailed down and along my cheeks. I just lie there, crying into my pillow. Was my dad awake? Was he worried about my mommy? Did he even know that mommy had left in an ambulance? I clutched my pillow tighter in my hands, squeezing it as hard and as tightly as I could. Before I knew it, I had fallen asleep.

( I know it was a short chapter, but I was writing about a moment in my life ok? Only it's in Shu-chan's POV instead of in my POV…But I did experience this once…It's where I got the idea actually…)


	2. As A Year Has Passed

**Chapter # 2: As A Year Has Passed**

I was now fourteen years old and my birthday was in two days. I had found out what had happened to my mother…She had had a miscarriage. It pained me to know the facts. Maiko, being eleven now, got told so she would know. I think it affected me a lot more then it did her. She showed no signs as to remembering the information. I sat down at the computer and signed onto MSN. I liked the chatting services. It was highly entertaining.

A little box suddenly popped up into the top left corner.

"Taisetsu datta ne, Nani yori mo mamotte itakatta…has added you to his/her friend list."

**( FYI: Taisetsu datta ne, Nani yori mo mamotte itakatta -** **It was a treasure wasn't it? I wished to protect it, more then anything els**e

I stared at the e-mail address beneath it.

"TSCHI…A hotmail address?"

I sat there in thought as to who it could be and pulled up Hiro's convo to instant message him.

**Shu says:** _Hey, Hiro, it's me. Uhm, I'm confused about this person who wants to add me…TSCHI…It's a hotmail addy…Know 'em?"_

**Hiro (Crazed Guitarist) says:** _iie…_

**Shu says:** _Should I hit "accept"?_

**Hiro (Crazed Guitarist) says:** _shrugs I guess so…What could it hurt to find out who it is, right?_

**Shu says:** _Yea…I guess…_

I hit the "accept" button and waited a minute. The person was online. I clicked them up to instant message them.

**Shu says:** _Hi…Who's this?_

There was no answer at first and a moment later the name changed. Now it read "T." I didn't understand it.

**Shu says:** _Hello?_

**T says:** _Hi._

**Shu says: **_Uhm…hi, who's this?_

**T says: **_I'm Tohma…And judging by you MSN name…I'm guessing I added the wrong person again…Sorry…_

**Shu says: **_haha, that's alright. So, uhm, how old are you?_

**T says: **_Sixteen, you?_

**Shu says: **_Fourteen…_

**T says: **_kool…So, where are you from?_

**Shu says: **_Tokyo…You?_

**T says: **_Kyoto! I'm not too far from Tokyo, lol. And I'm coming down to Tokyo soon to visit my cousin and Uncle…What street are you on?_

**Shu says: **_I'm on Shi…32 Shi…_

**T says: **_Seriously?_

**Shu says: **_Yeah…_

**T says: **_My cousin lives like across the street from you! In number 33!_

**Shu says: **_Oh! You mean Fujisaki, Suguru?_

**T says: **_Hai, that's him alright… How do you know him though?_

**Shu says: **_He's a friend of mine…And he's dating one of our friends…_

**T says: **_You mean Nakano, Hiroshi, I'm taking it._

**Shu says: **_Hai! He's like my best friend! Hiro's a really nice guy…Suguru's very lucky to have him…_

**T says: **_Hmmm…I think I've seen your picture some where before…Hang on a second…_

I waited until his display picture changed. It was Hiro and Suguru standing together, Hiro with his guitar and Suguru with his keyboard. I was crouched down at the front, holding a microphone and at my feet it read 'BAD LUCK.' I remembered that picture. That was our current garage band.

**T says: **_You're the cute, pink haired one up front, am I right?_

**Shu says: …**_C-Cute?_

**T says: **_Hai. Very. Though, I think it's those violet eyes of yours…_

I felt my cheeks burning up suddenly, he thought I was cute?


	3. Suguru's Cousin

**Chapter # 3: Suguru's Cousin**

I walked with Hiro across the street.

"I don't even know this guy," I said while munching on a piece of strawberry pocky. Hiro did the casual 'snap-off-the-end-of-MY-pocky' trick and stuck it to hang out of his mouth like mine did. I sideways glanced him to warn him that one of these days I was gonna smack him for doing that. He just grinned as if trying to say, 'like you'll be able to reach my face.' I growled knowing that look all to well and I couldn't blame him for using it. I was a full head shorter then him. I was a full head shorter then a lot of people…Except Suguru.

My red headed friend smirked,

"So, he called you cute?"

"Hai. And he said it was my eyes…Guess he's not really that used to violet eyes."

"Guess not." Hiro stated finishing off the rest of his bit of pocky. We walked up to Suguru's doorstep. Hiro knocked. It was his boyfriends house afterall.

The door opened and we were greeted by a blonde male, with green eyes. He studied us a moment and then backed into the house, stepping aside slightly,

"Come on in. I'll get him."

We stepped into the house and waited as the male went to the stairs.

"Suguru!"

"Yeah!"

"Guess what."

"What?"

He looked to Hiro and mouthed,

'Say something.'

"Oh _Suguru_!" He called.

"HIRO!" Suguru was down the stairs faster then we thought possible. He wrapped his arms around Hiro's neck.

"HIRO, YOU'RE HERE!"

"Uhm…I know that…" he said with a laugh.

Suguru smiled and released him and looked at me,

"Hey Shuichi!"

"Hi Suguru."

"Oh, right! Shuichi, Hiro…This is my cousin Tohma!" He pulled the blonde male up next to him as if we had never seen the guy before in our lives. Even though, he'd been the one to answer the door.

"Hey, sorry for not introducing myself…I usually don't though, not if I'm coming here…Suguru likes to do it for me," he said with a smile.

"Oh so you're the guy that told Shu he was--"

"HIRO!" I announced jabbing him in the ribs. I hoped I broke one. I could feel the pink on my cheeks. Tohma laughed,

"Yes, that's me."

"Well, come on in you two. And we can all hang out for a while," Suguru offered.

Tohma closed the door and I swallowed hard. I didn't like the idea of being around Tohma, especially if Suguru and Hiro were gonna be all cuddly. I mean, Hiro's sixteen too…I have no trouble with him, but that's 'cause he's been my friend for so long.

My cellphone rang and I answered it without a second thought.

"Hello?"

"Hey Shuichi…It's mom…"

"Hi mom…What's up?"

"Hunny…It happened…Again…"

The phone dropped from my hand and onto the floor. I fell to my knees.


	4. Tohma's An Angel

**Chapter # 4: Tohma's An Angel**

I sat beside my mother, hugging her. She hugged me in return. We just cried into each other. I looked like her. Everyone said I looked like my mother. It was the eyes. I had her violet eyes. That's the only reason I looked like her at all. I had my father's pink hair and my mother's violet eyes. Maiko had our mother's brown hair and our dad's blue eyes.

I lie in bed, staring out the window, watching the rain fall. My bedroom light was on, so if anyone walked by, they'd see a pink haired boy staring his window at nothing. Suddenly a car pulled into the drive way. A taxi cab. I heard foot steps in the hallway and soft sobs. I stared out the window. A pink haired male went out the door and started down the long driveway.

"Dad?"

I got up and ran out of my room, my mother was crying in her doorway. I didn't have the time to help her right now and besides, she had Maiko. I ran down the stairs and out the door.

"DAD!" I screamed.

"DAD!"

He was already in the taxi and the taxi had pulled out onto the road.

"DAD!"

He didn't tell the driver to stop the car. It started down the street.

"DAD!"

My mother came out of the house,

"SHUICHI! COME BACK HERE!"

"NO!"

I didn't dare. I wouldn't just give up.

"SHU-CHAN!" My little sister Maiko called,

"COME BACK! COME BACK SHU-CHAN!"

"NO!"

I could hear other voices talking to, in the background while I was running.

"SHU HAVE YOU LOST YOU _MIND_!" Hiro called after me,

"GET _BACK_ HERE!"

"NO!"

"Tohma? WHERE ARE YOU GOING TOHMA!" Suguru called out.

"AFTER SHU!" He called back.

I kept running, I followed the car, seeing it get further and further out of my reach. Finally, I slipped and fell. I pounded my fist off the ground. Tohma suddenly showed up, he skidded on his knees beside me. He took my injured hand and wrapped it up. He embraced me,

"I know how much pain your in…Emotionally…I lost my father this way too, only I was _four_."

I cried into him. I wouldn't struggle against him. Somehow I trusted him.

"Come on now, I'll walk you back home."

I wouldn't listen to my mom, sister, or even my best friend when they all called me back home…

But I was going to listen to Tohma.

**( Sorry bout such a short chapter )**


	5. Promise

**Chapter # 5: Promise**

Tohma walked me all the way home. My only injury was on my fist, where I had scraped it when I hit the ground. Tohma's knees were bleeding pretty bad from when he'd purposely skidded on the to sit by me. He hadn't even winced in front of me. My mom had washed my hand off n re-wrapped it for me. Then she took Tohma into the bathroom. She left him in there momentarily. Then he called out that he was ready. I went and stood in the doorway, quietly. He didn't notice me.

"AHHHHH!" he screamed, his eyes shut tightly as he felt just the waters touch on his knees.

"I know, I know it hurts Tohma…You shouldn't have skidded…"

"But-AHHHHH! Shuichi he-AHHHHHHHH! He _needed_ me!"

"And now it looks like you are really going to need _him_…Because that was only the water…You need sterilizer on this for it to heal…"

"I…I can handle it…I'm used to pain…" He said, half to himself.

"You're sure?"

"Yeah. Do it."

She slid the cloth across part of one of his knees. He screamed so loud I thought he was dying for a moment. I ran in, carefully slipping into a position beside him, I embraced him tightly.

"If you need something to cling to, I'm here for you Tohma…"

He gripped at my back, which was my strongest part of my entire body. He gripped my back, embracing me in return and screaming into my chest about the pain. I could hear him crying too.

"You're almost done Tohma…You're almost done."

My mom finally finished and wrapped up his knees in bandages.

"You're done Tohma," I cooed,

"You're all done now."

Suguru, Hiro and Tohma were spending the night. I have a spare bed in my room. That's where Hiro always sleeps. He was cuddling Suguru while we all watched a movie. I have a fair sized t.v in my bedroom, and a lock on my door. I always lock in when ever I'm having friends over. So then, my mom can't come in and say embarrassing things to us and tell annoying, old stories. And so, Maiko doesn't burst into my room. Well, right now Maiko was sitting beside me, leaning onto me, sleeping. I scooped her up into my arms and carried her back to her room, lying her down. I came back to my room and locked the door behind me. I flicked off the light and lied down in my bed. The movie ended and Hiro flicked off the t.v, cuddling Suguru closer to him. I lie alone.

Tohma was on the couch downstairs, he flicked off the t.v.

**(Switching to Tohma's POV)**

I sighed, leaning into the couch.

"Shuichi…I wish I was up there with you…"

I heard footsteps upstairs and heard a small tapping on a door.

"Shu-chan? Can I come in please? I had a bad dream…"

"Maiko?" I questioned myself quietly.

Shuichi gave off a muffled reply and Maiko sniffed loudly.

"But…But…"

Shuichi repeated his mumbled answer, sounding annoyed. I went up the stairs slowly.

"Maiko?" I questioned her.

She faced me,

"Tohma? Why are you upstairs with your bad knees?"

"My knees are just fine. Now, what's all this about a bad dream?"

"I had a bad dream that my daddy…He left me all alone at the park and only took home Shu-chan and mommy home with him…"

"That sounds like quite the nightmare, is this dream happening because of what happened tonight?"

Maiko nodded.

I smiled,

"Don't worry Maiko. You're daddy may have left, but he didn't take you mother, or your brother…You all still have each other, ok?"

"Ok."

With that, she went back to her bedroom door,

"Can you come tuck me onii-san, please?" She was looking at me.

"O-Onii-san?" I questioned.

"Yes, Onii-san, Tohma…That's you, well, I want you to marry my brother one day, then I can call you onii-san!" She said smiling.

I followed her into her room and she climbed into bed. I tucked her into bed,

"How badly do you want me to be your onii-san?"

"Very badly…When Shu-chan gets old enough to be married…Will you propose to him?"

"…" I didn't reply at first because I could feel his eyes on me.

**(Switching back to Shu's POV)**

I stared at him, curious as to what he would tell her.

"Maybe, I might."

"You have to promise me you will!" Maiko announced, holding up her pinky.

"Pinky promise! Please Onii-san!"

Tohma sighed and placed a kiss on her forehead. When he sat up, I saw their pinky's linked.

"Promise," he whispered.


	6. Kiss

**Chapter # 6: Kiss**

I backed away slowly.

Was he serious! Did he really mean what he had promised to my little sister, or was it some kind of lie to make her go to sleep? I backed away more. I had pressed myself against the wall by now.

Tohma walked out of Maiko's room and closed her door behind him.

"I couldn't just say 'no' to her face Shu-chan…I didn't want to hurt her…"

"So it was a lie so she wouldn't get hurt! What about when you brake your promise!"

He walked over to me, placing his hands on either side of me, against the wall. He leaned his head down to mine, being not even an inch away from my lips, he said quiet calmly,

"I won't."

His lips pressed to mine gently.

I could feel pink staining my cheeks.

My eyes grew. Was this…Real?


	7. Tohma vs Hiro

**Chapter # 7: Tohma v.s Hiro**

I could see the sunlight through my eyelashes and rolled onto my other side, facing into Tohma. I opened my eyes when I realized the sun wasn't shining into them any more.

"Tohma?"

"Hm?" He questioned me lightly.

I snuggled into him a little bit closer,

"Nothing."

His arms wrapped around me a little tighter,

"Have a nice sleep?"

"Yes…Very comfortable…"

"Awwww! Look at the lovebirds! Aren't they so cute Suguru?"

"Yes Hiro, they're adorable," Suguru said with a small laugh.

I sat up in an instant and glared at the two,

"Hey, shut-up!"

"Don't make him angry," Hir whispered to Suguru,

"He might throw pocky at you."

"He wouldn't dare to waste any of it," Suguru stated laughing.

"Suguru's right, but I'll throw my pillow!" I announced throwing my pillow in Hiro's direction. He ducked.

"HA HA! YOU MISSED SHU!"

A pillow hit him square in the face a moment later,

"But I didn't," Tohma said with a laugh.

Hiro threw it towards me and before it could hit me, Tohma caught it and smirked.

"This is more then a pillow fight now…It's a pillow _war_."

"Me and Suguru, v.s You and Shu!" Hiro announced passing Tohma back my pillow so I had a weapon too.

"Alright Hiro, I'll take you on, Suguru and Shu-chan can have a smaller fight."

Hiro launched onto the spare bed beside Suguru as we all took our positions.

" NOW!" Suguru announced launching his pillow at me, I threw mine at the same moment and they collided and landed on the floor.

"Ok, we suck." We both announced in total defeat as we watched the other two battle it out.

Hiro threw his pillow at Tohma, who caught it and launched it back at him, Hiro ducked to his right and Tohma threw the other pillow at him.

"HA HA HA! TWICE IN ONE DAY HIRO, YOU'RE SAD!" I announced as I watched my friend get hit square in the face with a pillow…Again.

"I'll show _you_ sad!" Hiro announced jumping onto my bed, just as I jumped off. He leapt off and we started a fist fight. I tried to punch him in the face but he put a hand on my forehead and I made endless attempts to strike him to no avail.

"No fair Hiro! You're to tall!"

"No, you're just to weak," he said smirking.

"Take me on then," Tohma stated standing up.

"Fine, but we do this outside," Hiro announced.

"Fine."

Suguru and I sat on the park-like bench in my backyard. Hiro and Tohma braced themselves for a battle. Hiro launched at Tohma who dodged him easily.

Hiro went to throw a punch and Tohma caught his hand. Using this chance, he pulled on Hiro's arm, knocking him onto the ground. Hiro was on his feet again in an instant.

Hiro kept trying to punch Tohma, but Tohma always caught the punches. Hiro fell to his knees at last,

"Alright…I give up…You win…" He announced panting heavily.

"How'd you learn to…Do that?"

Tohma's eyes shook a moment and he stared at the ground,

"I…"

Images shot through his head.

"I don't wanna talk about it." He stated as he walked out of the backyard and up to the front.

"Tohma!" I called,

"Wait up!"


	8. Tohma's Secret

**Chapter # 8: Tohma's Secret**

I finally caught up with him.

"What was that about? Why'd you take off on us?"

"Shu-chan…I have reasons…But I don't like to remember them…"

"Someone hurt you…Didn't they?"

Tohma didn't answer. He sighed and held out his arm to me. Slowly he moved up his sleeve. Lines, pink lines marked his soft flesh in many different areas. Some crossed over each other like x's.

"T-Tohma…You mean you used to…But why would…?"

"I'm sorry…Shuichi…"

I backed away from him, my fingers brushing against my lips gently. Hot tears trailed down and along my cheeks slowly.

'No! No, it can't be! He can't be a…Suicidal…'

"How long…Have you been like this?" I questioned.

He sighed,

"A couple years now…Suguru knows…Everyone knows…"

"I…I want to help you to stop this…I don't want you to…cut yourself anymore…"

He dug threw his pocket slowly until he found what he was looking for. He slid it from his pocket.

"A…Mini blade?"

He held it in his hand and held it out towards me,

"If you're to help me, you have to take this away first…"

I took the blade and shoved it in my pocket,

"I see you with another one Tohma, and I'll take it too." I stated sternly.

He sighed and smiled,

"Good."


	9. The Reason

**Chapter # 9: The Reason**

I hadn't thought of asking him about it until just now. I looked at him,

"Tohma?"

"Hai?"

"Why…Did you start…Cutting yourself…?"

"Remember what I said to your mother before she cleaned my wound?"

Flashback

"I…I can handle it…I'm used to pain…"

End Flashback

"Yeah…I do…"

"I'm used to pain…Because I inflict it upon myself…And the reason I ever even started it was because of my father leaving me like that…And my mother abusing and blaming me for it him leaving…"

I took his hand,

"Tohma…"

He pulled it away,

"I was to blame and because of me, my mother commited suicide later on in her life…When I was fourteen…Ten years worth of beating me and blaming me and she decides to kill herself…All those years…" He couldn't hold it in and fell to his knees in tears.

"I tried to be perfect, for her sake and I just ended up screwing it up in the end…"

"Tohma!" I announced sinking down in front of him and cradling him in my arms, which was hard considering he was taller then me. I managed though.

"Tohma…It wasn't your fault…Everything happens for a reason…"

"Then what possible reason could my mother have had for beating and blaming my father's leaving on _me_!"

I tried to come up with a good answer, but nothing came to mind.

He stood up and started walking away,

"Exzactly."


	10. The News Report

**Chapter # 10: The News Report**

I sat on the couch and stared at the t.v.

The voices on t.v announced the news was on,

"_You're watching the nine o'clock news, I'm Atrin Zaala here with a special weather report. Tokyo, Japan is going into a Tornado Warning. The weather isn't looking at it's best at this point. There is a heavily pouring storm taking place right now, all across Tokyo and it looks as though it is leading it's way slowly into Kyoto, Japan." _He paused, being handed some papers,

"_I just received an update that it is now hailing in Tokyo. I repeat, there is hail."_

I suddenly could hear the thudding hail hitting on my roof. I just sat there, listening to it. Thunder crashed in the background of the sound. That's when…That's when, I heard someone calling my name.

**( I know it's a short Chap. Sorry…)**


	11. Pain

**Chapter # 11: Pain**

"Shu-chan!" Someone's raspy voice from outside called to me. I didn't move. I was to horrified _to_ move.

"Shu-chan!" It called again. I got up slowly and walked over to my window, it had been left open a little bit. I looked outside into the hail storm.

"TOHMA!" I ran from my window and threw on my shoes, not bothering to tie my un-done laces. I ran over to the bleeding figure,

"Oh my God! Tohma! What are you _doing_ out here!"

He was shaking from blood loss. I placed one of his arms around the back of my neck and helped him to walk into the house and up to my room. I placed him on the bed and ran to the bathroom to run the hot water. He was cold and wet as well as bleeding. It wasn't just hailing, it was also raining out there. I came back to him and stripped him down to nothing more than his boxers. I placed his arm around the back of my neck again and helped him into the bathroom, sitting him in the tub. He let out a pained scream and I knew it was because of his knees. The bandages on his knees were cut in many places. Not cut off, just cut _through_. His ankles were bleeding as well.

"Tell me what happened," I said as I gently peeled off the bandages from his knees in the water and put them in the trash can next to me.

He didn't answer.

"Tell me," I hissed, ripping off part of the bandage really fast. He felt it and screamed.

"I'll do it again if you don't tell me," I threatened.

He sighed and tears rolled down his cheeks and into the tub water.

"I…_I_ did this." He said, his gaze drifting to his ankles, then up to his knees.

Tears formed in my eyes.

'No…He can't mean…He didn't…But he gave me his blade…How…?' My thoughts ran free. I gently removed the rest of the bandages and helped him out of the tub, sitting him on the carpet. I used the sterilizer on him, then wrapped his injuries. I put his arm around the back of my neck and helped him to walk into the guestroom. I lied him down.

"You're sleeping in here tonight after _that_ stunt."

"But…Shu-chan…I…!"

"You're sleeping here and that's final! Suguru and Hiro are sleeping over tonight again…They're using the spare bed in my room…" I walked out of the room rather angrily, and obviously in tears by the way my shoulders shook. I went back downstairs and sat on the couch.

"_Good news for Tokyo, the tornado warning is officially over and they're left with nothing more then a small thunderstorm for tonight."_

'Good thing the tornado things done…It never hit, I'm glad about that.'

I lied myself down on the couch, still crying.

'How had Tohma managed to cut himself again? What the hell did he use?'


	12. Please

**Chapter # 12: Please**

It was the middle of the night when I finally woke up again. I only woke up because I heard a scream from upstairs. A pained scream. Tohma's scream. I leapt off of the couch and ran up the stairs at top speed. I threw open the guestroom door. No one. I ran over to my bedroom. Only Hiro and Suguru were in there, just jumping off the bed. I rushed to the bathroom. It was locked.

"TOHMA! TOHMA, OPEN THE DOOR!"

"…"

"TOHMA, I KNOW IT'S YOU IN THERE, OPEN THE DOOR! Please Tohma…Please…" I stated as I began sobbing heavily. My heart ached, it broke, shattering into millions of pieces. Why was he doing this to himself? Why was he doing this after I had told him not to?

"I'm sorry…Shuichi…" I heard his voice saying.

"TOHMA OPEN THE DAMN DOOR!"

"Tohma!" Suguru called,

"It's Suguru…Please stop this Tohma…Shuichi's sobbing his eyes out out here…He doesn't want you to do this any more…"

"It's not easy to put down a blade, is it Suguru?" Tohma questioned.

"No…But…But if _I_ can do it, then so can you!"

I pounded my fists off the door, still begging to be heard.

"Tohma…Please…"

I heard a soft click and the door creaked open a bit. I threw it open the rest of the way.

"Tohma! Stop it!" I announced, grabbing his hand that was holding the blade. I made it face towards my skin instead of his. I pressed my hand to it.

"Stop…Doing…This." I growled at him, tears slipping along my cheeks.

"I'm begging…Please Tohma…_Please_?"

"I…_Can't_…" He said as he released my hand, the blade falling onto the floor. Blood dripping along my hand like my tears dripped along my cheeks.


	13. Lies

**Chapter # 13: Lies**

I lie in bed all alone, thinking of him. I loved him. I loved him so much, why couldn't he see it? A fresh layer of silent tears trailed along and down my cheeks, staining my skin with their sorrow and pain. All I could think about was _him_. He never left my mind. Not even for a moment. I heard a light knock on the door.

"Go back to bed Maiko," I hissed quietly.

"I'm _not_ Maiko."

"T-Tohma?"

"Hai?"

"What do _you_ want?" I wasn't exactly in my best of moods with him right now. You couldn't possibly blame me for being upset about all this.

"I wanted to apologize to you Shu-chan…I'm sorry…Being a cutter isn't easy to give up you know…Suguru didn't have an easy time giving it up either…"

"But he _managed_!" I shot at him.

He was quiet, then he sighed lightly.

"I'm sorry Shu-chan…I really am…But it's up to you about whether, or not you want to forgive me."

I walked over to the door and un-locked it, opening it slightly to peer out at him.

"If I forgive you…_You_ have to give it up…"

He sighed lightly,

"It won't be easy…But for you Shu-chan…I'll try alright?"

"Alright."

I moved aside and allowed him into my room, I let him lie on my bed. Then I re-locked my bedroom door and lied down beside him. I snuggled into him,

"Tohma?"

"Hai?"

"I'm glad."

"Glad?"

"That you're going to try to quit."

"Oh…"

I snuggled into him a little more.

**(Switching to Tohma's POV)**

'Shu-chan…If only you knew…How much I've been deceiving you this whole time…If you knew…I don't think you'd _ever_ forgive me again. I want to end it…but once you've started…It's nearly _impossible_ to end…'


	14. The Arrival

**Chapter # 14: The Arrival**

The days seemed to go past like they were old, recorded, home movies. Full of laughter and smiles from those around me. Mainly Shuichi. He laughed about everything. He seemed so sweet and innocent. Yet, I was _deceiving_ him. I wasn't so nice and kind and honest as he thought. The poor guy, I really felt bad for him deep down at heart, but changing from being a cutter, to not being a cutter…Was _a lot_ harder then he thought it was.

"Tohma! Tohma!" He called running over to me. He threw his arms around my neck in a hug. I wrapped my arms around him.

"Tohma!"  
"You're _very_ hyper…Did you eat to much strawberry pocky _again_ Shu-chan?"

"You can _never_ eat to much strawberry pocky!" Shuichi announced in total shock that I could ever even _think_ of something like that.

I smiled down at him and nuzzled his hair slightly,

"You smell good," I whispered in his ear.

"Just don't my hair, ok Tohma? I don't want to be _bald_."

I laughed lightly,

"Don't worry Shu-chan…I won't eat your hair."

Suddenly, Hiro appeared at the back door,

"INCOMING RYUCHI!" He announced loudly.

Shuichi let me go in an instant and ran over towards the door, the minute he re-opened it, he was tackled to the floor.

"SHU-CHAN!"

"RYU-CHAN!"

I don't think I had ever seen two people look so happy to see each other in my whole _life_.

"Ryu-chan! Tohma is here!"

Ryuichi got up and helped up Shuichi, then he saw _me_.

"TOHMA!" He announced and ran towards me as fast as he could, tackling me to the ground in a powerful hug.

"Tohma, Tohma, Tohma, Tohma, Tohma, Tohma, TOHMA!" He said at a very fast speed.

"Uhm…Hello Sakuma-san…"

He never changed.

'Oh no,' I thought suddenly,

'With him here…It'll be like having_ two_ Shuichi's instead of _one_…'


	15. Broken Promise

**Chapter # 15: Broken Promise**

"Let's watch a movie!" Ryuichi announced that night.

"What movie should we watch?" Shuichu asked enthusiastically.

"Uhm…A scary movie?"

"Alright!" Shuichi agreed to it without a second thought.

"I'll be right back," I spoke up suddenly. I got up and headed upstairs and into the bathroom. I knew where he had hidden my blade. I located it and pulled it out of the little box he'd hidden it in. I turned on the taps in the sink so no one could hear what I was doing. Then, I moved up my sleeve and slowly slipped the blade along my skin…

**(Switching to Shuichi's POV)**

I was getting worried. He had been upstairs in the bathroom for a full out twenty minutes and I knew what he was doing. I couldn't stop him with Ryuichi over though. It wouldn't work out. Things would end up not going so well. Ryuichi would probably have a heart attack if he found out what Tohma did behind closed doors.

Tohma came back downstairs with his usual smile on his face. His _lying_, little smile.

The movie had already started and I had _planned_ on cuddling with Tohma throughout it, but…I was thinking otherwise _now_.

He sat beside me, slinking an arm around my waist. I moved his hands away from me.

"What's wrong Shu-chan?" He whispered, pulling himself closer to me. I moved away,

"leave me alone."

His eyes widened slightly.

"I'm not an idiot Tohma…I _know_ what you did…" I hissed, tears starting to trail down and along my cheeks. I stood up,

"I _trusted_ you."


	16. Hurt

**Chapter # 16: Hurt**

Ryuichi was instantly confused.

"Why is Shu-chan so mad at Toh-chan all of a sudden? Did Toh-chan do something bad? Does he need to be put in a corner? What's going on na no da?"

"It's nothing Ryu-chan," I lie as I start walking away. I head towards the staircase. Tohma stands and comes after me, he grabs ahold of me.

"I'm sorry, Shu-chan."

My fists tighten up and my teeth clench.

"Sorry? _Sorry! _You've told me you were _sorry_ before, you promised to try giving up! You're hardly _trying_!" I could feel tears rolling down and along my cheeks. I smacked his hand off of me.

"Don't touch me! I want nothing to do with _someone like you_!"

His eyes grow for a moment, before he sets them downcast. He puts his hands together in front of him and fidgets. He clears his throat quietly, while obviously trying to come up with something to say to me as a response. I can tell he has a lump in his throat when he finally speaks.

"Well…If you're so certain about that…Then…" He cleared his throat again, obviously trying his hardest not to cry.

"…I'll just…Go home…" He headed past me and towards the door.

Within that swift movement I could feel all of his suffering, his pain, his heart breaking, his tears falling. I could taste the saltiness of his tears and the sweetness of his kiss and yet. He was leaving me behind.


	17. Slap

**Chapter # 17: Slap**

**(Switching to Tohma's POV)**

I called her up on my cellphone. She answered pretty quickly with a sharp voice, she knew it was _me_.

"_What do you want?"_

"Can you please pick me up from Suguru's? I really just, want to come home now…"

"_God damnit, you knew today I was leaving my sister's house, so is that why you called me?"_

"I called because I decided today I _really_ wanted to come home."

"_Whatever. Be ready for when I get there." _There was a harsh click. I knew I had made her angry. Which meant, I was going to have a really bad ride home with her too. I sighed shoving my cellphone into my pocket and grabbing my suitcase. I started grabbing my clothes and started packing them up. Once all my clothes got packed up, I grabbed my backpack and started packing all of my pencils, pens, paper, notebooks, sketchbooks, and stuff like that. I placed it all in the backpack. I heard a car pull into the driveway and headed downstairs. I put my suitcase in the trunk of the car and tossed my backpack into the backseat. I ran back into the house, suddenly remembering something important. I grabbed my disposable camera off the table and rushed back outside. Once I was on the porch I heard a voice yell my name and suddenly felt two arms wrap around me tightly. I looked down at the head of pink hair.

"Shu…-chan…?"

"Tohma! You _can't_ leave!"

My eyes darted to the car where the driver was _just_ getting out and starting on their way over to us.

"Stay here Shu-chan…" I stated walking past him and over to the driver. She stopped dead in her tracks. She looked at me, lifted her hand and back-handed me. I reached up to the spot and touched it feeling the stinging sensation.

"TOHMA!" Shuichi called about to leave the doorstep.

"STAY _THERE_ SHU-CHAN, _PLEASE_!"

He gasped and stepped back. He stared at me, not wanting me hurt any further. The driver started yelling at me about not being ready and how they shouldn't have to wait, especially after being called on such short notice.

Shuichi stood before the driver, his back to me,

"Please…This is my fault that he wasn't ready…I-"

There was a loud sound. My eyes grew in horror.

"SHU-CHAN!"


	18. Okaasan

**Chapter # 18: Okaa-san**

**(Switching to Shuichi's POV)**

I placed a hand over the spot where I had been slapped. Who _was_ this woman? Why was she acting like this? She looked as though she wanted to hit me again, but she didn't get a chance. Tohma rushed forewards and hugged her tightly,

"Please stop Okaa-san!"

My eyes grew. Did he…Just call her…Okaa-san? There was no way. It just _couldn't_ be. I didn't want this to be true.

"Okaa-san…Please…" Tohma begged hugging her tighter.

"Please."

She stared down at him,

"Who is…This pink haired boy…Tohma…?"

"His names Shuichi."

"Do you…_Love_ Shuichi?"

"…Hai…"

"Tohma has been…Cutting himself again…?"

"…Hai…"

"Tohma knows how I feel about this…right?"

"…Hai."

"Tohma will not become like…Suguru-chan…"

Tohma's breath caught in his throat.

"Will you Tohma?"

"………Hai, I will. I will become like Suguru-chan. That's _my_ choice, not _yours_. Your control over me…Only goes so far…Okaa-san."

"HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO YOUR OWN _MOTHER_ LIKE THAT!" She announced, shoving him back off her and slapping him as hard as she could. Tohma wound up on the ground. I rushed over to him,

"Tohma!"

She made an attempt to slap me next, but Tohma grabbed her arm,

"Don't. You. Touch. Him."


	19. Stay Away

**Chapter # 19: Stay Away**

**(Switching to Tohma's POV)**

"I'm sorry that you were called down on such short notice Calia, but trust me…Taking it out on young Tohma and Shuichi here, won't do you any good. I think you and your psychiatrist need to set up another appointment."

I watched my Uncle talk to my mother. I felt slightly safer with him here.

"Why doesn't he live here then?" She threatened. He sighed.

"Would you like him to?"

"It's apparent…I can't take care of him…So I guess…It can't be helped…"

"I will send for our brother back in Kyoto to pick up Tohma's stuff for him…He can stay in the guestroom…"

"Fine." She stood up and walked past me, then as she was walking past Shuichi she stopped before him. Not turning to face him, or looking at him in any way. She sighed,

"You stay away…From my son." With that she started walking again. We heard her get into her car and drive away. I sat there and looked over to Shuichi. He had his head bowed and his eyes were set on staring at his hands, which were fidgeting before him.

"Shu-chan?"

He stood up and started running. He didn't dare to look back at me, or anything. I sat there in complete and utter shock. Shuichi didn't want to talk to me about this. He didn't want to talk to me at all. He…He was _really_ mad. I stood up and grabbed my backpack. I walked outside and headed after him. He had gone home. Suguru and Hiro walked past me and back into Suguru's house. I went to Shuichi's house and knocked on the front door.

"Who is it!" Shuichi called, with obvious tears in his voice.

"Me."


	20. Is It Over?

**Chapter # 20: Is It Over?**

I stood there and listened to him crying on the other side of the door. I wanted to hold him, comfort him, tell him it would all be ok now that she was gone. That she would never be seen by his eyes again.

"She hates me, and she doesn't even _know_ me…What did I do _wrong_?"

"Nothing Shu-chan…My mom's just a homophobic…"

(Switching to Shuichi's POV)

I pounded my fist off the floor.

"Where did I go wrong!" I pound my fist off the floor again.

"Why does everyone hate me just because of how I am! Why! It's not _fair_! It doesn't make any _sense_! Why does everyone treat me differently just because I'm…"

"I surely don't know Shu-chan! But _please_! Please, don't beat yourself up about it, _please_…"

"Why not! Isn't that what _you_ always did! Is that why you're a _cutter_ Tohma!"

When he didn't answer, I pounded my fist off the floor harder,

"Damnit! Answer me! Are you _ashamed_ to be like _me_! Are you!"

Again he didn't answer me.

I shook my head, squeezing my eyes shut tightly,

"WHY! _WHY_!"

"I'm sorry…Shu-chan…"

"SHUT-UP! YOU THINK I'M GOING TO BELIEVE THAT _LIE_!"

"Shu-chan…"

"YOU _ALWAYS_ SAY YOU'RE SORRY, BUT YOU DON'T _MEAN_ IT!"

I paused a moment, slipping down from my knees and lying on the floor, on my stomach, head in my arms,

"…You don't mean it…"


	21. Broken Inside

**Chapter # 21: Broken Inside**

**(Switching to Tohma's POV)**

I turned around, sighing. I set my eyes downcast. I could feel the tears trailing down my cheeks. I could still feel Shuichi's arms around me, even though he wasn't holding me now. I wish he was with me. I wish I could hold him. I wanted to very badly. If there was anything I wanted to do, it was to hold him. I started shaking. I fell to my knees in all my pain, sobbing heavily.

"Shuichi…Why?..._Why_…? All I wanted was…To be with you…And…" My sobs grew heavier and I found that I could no longer talk. My shoulders shook a little harder. Why did my heart feel like it was shattering into millions of pieces? Was this what a broken heart felt like?

**_(((A.N : OMG ITS SOOO SHORT ACK! GOMEN NASAI!)))_**


	22. Here Without You

**Chapter # 22: Here Without You**

**Diclaimer: I do not own the characters of Gravitation…:'( That's sooo sad lolz. And, I do not own the lyrics to this song. (the song is in italics) It's called "Here Without You" and it's owner is "3 Doors Down." I love that band and especially this song, because it's soo sad:'( Ok, hope you enjoy this Chapter. I realize it says "girl" in the song, but…oh well. Sorry again about the last Chapter I did…GOMEN NASAI! freaks out like Ritsu Sohma of Fruits Basket (I don't own Furuba either ) :'( I'm so sad now. :P**

Shuichi never left my mind. Ever. I was walking down the street, my head bowed as I faught off the urge to cry again. All I wanted to do was brake down, and cry. I hadn't cut myself once in the past two months that I hadn't spoken to Shuichi. I was paler now, I never went outside. Today though, my Uncle was dragging me outside. He wouldn't let me rot in the house. He walked to my left, talking to one of his friends from work. I wasn't paying any attention to what he was talking about. I didn't really care. I wasn't part of his conversation. I didn't really want to be either.

_A hundred days have made me older  
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face_

I sighed and thought about how I had acted when Shuichi called me a liar. I had really meant the apology. I didn't want him to think I was lying. It hurt me to think about Shuichi hating me. So much had happened between us. When I thought about it, a lot really took place within the time I had just barely gotten to know him. I had comforted him when his father had left him and his family. I promised I would propose to him one day, and I kissed him. I let him know my secret. I let him into my life. Yet…I had been deceiving him. I had lied to him. So…I didn't blame him if he hated me now. But still…

_A thousand lies have made me colder  
And I don't think I can look at this the same_

But still…It hurt so much to know that he might never forgive me. He might never talk to me again in his life. He might hate me for the rest of his life.

'No!' My mind screamed at me.

'Shuichi isn't that kind of guy! He'll forgive you…'

Maybe that was just my wishful thinking kicking in again. I had a lot of wishful thinking going on right now. Mainly that Shuichi would forgive me, I mean, it had already been two _months_. I couldn't believe it. Why wouldn't he forgive me? I hadn't used the blade in that whole amount of time. That was a real shock in my eyes. I would have thought that I would have cut myself more if I lost Shuichi.

_All the miles that separate  
Disappear now when I'm dreamin' of your face_

My physical wounds were slowly starting to heal up. Maybe Shuichi had taught me a lesson. He taught me what I was doing wasn't going to help me. He was, going to help me as much as he could though. I didn't think he was helping me much. But…He was. He was slowly healing me. I just…Wasn't letting _myself_ heal. I was to blame for all of this. It was all my fault he hated me so much now. That wasn't encouraging me in any way.

_I'm here without you baby  
But you're still on my lonely mind_

"Doesn't that sound like a good idea Tohma?"

My Uncle paused seeing my expression, my eyes remained downcast.

"Tohma?"

I snapped back into reality and looked at him,

"Yes?"

"Are you alright?"

"…Yeah, I'm alright."

"We were gonna take you down to the karoke bar, you can listen to some singers, maybe that's all you need…?"

"Alright…"

_I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time  
I'm here without you baby_

We went into a building that looked rather tiny on the outside. We stepped in through the doorway and headed down the stairs. Once we were in the bigger room, we sat down at one of the many tables. I stared at the table. My thoughts were daring me to return to them. I didn't know if I should take their dare or not. It seemed rather tempting. I looked at my Uncle.

"So Tohma, what do you think? Want a drink of anything?"

"I guess I'll take a pepsi." I mumbled.

"That doesn't surprise me much, you two have the same taste."

"Huh?"

"Nevermind me," he said with a wave of his hand, he faced his friend and asked what he was getting. They had a short discussion about the drink. I drowned them out. I listened to the singer.

_But you're still with me in my dreams  
And tonight, there's only you and me. _

_The miles just keep rollin'  
As the people leave their way to say 'hello'  
I've heard this life is overrated  
But I hope that it gets better as we go. _

Why did this person have to sing such a sad song? They had an amazing voice on them though. Very strong and it held the lyrics well. I was impressed. A waitress came by to take our order on our drinks. My Uncle ordered two pepsi's, two coka-cola's, and two other drinks that obviously held some kind of alcohol in them. Though, I can't remember what the drink was called.

"Why are you ordering so many drinks?" I questioned when the waitress disappeared.

_Oh yeah, yeah_

"Well, Suguru and Hiro are coming here soon so I figured I'd get them each a coka-cola…" He said as if the question shouldn't matter much at all. I simply stared at him, recalling something he had said.

"**That doesn't surprise me much, you two have the same taste."**

Then I thought about the order he had place. Two of everything. _Two_.

_I'm here without you baby  
But you're still on my lonely mind  
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time _

_I'm here without you baby  
But you're still with me in my dreams  
And tonight girl, there's only you and me. _

Where ever there was Suguru and Hiro there was always…No way, it _couldn't_ be.

_Everything I know, and anywhere I go  
It gets hard but it won't take away my love  
And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done.  
It gets hard but it won't take away my love _

I stared at my Uncle in utter disbelief. He hadn't brought me here to clear my mind.

_I'm here without you baby  
But you're still on my lonely mind  
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time _

He'd brought me here to see…

_I'm here without you baby  
But you're still with me in my dreams  
And tonight girl, there's only you and me_

…Shuichi.

As if in cue, the song had ended. An announcer stated the name of the song, and who had sung it, but I didn't even listen. Why should I even bother to? I knew it was sung by 'Bad Luck.' I stared at the table as my Uncle said they were coming. I really didn't want Shuichi to see me. He was probably still ticked off. My Uncle called out to them and waved them over from a distance. I pulled out one of my many sketch books and a pencil and started drawing what ever came into my mind. It turned out that I was drawing a figure I remembered by heart. I didn't need a picture to look off of. It looked good. My artwork always turned out like this. My Uncle told me that a lot since I had started to stay with him. He said I was a natural artist. I could see why he said that. My hands were quick, swift and I somehow never smeared the picture. I put down my pencil and studied the picture.

I heard chairs moving, but the one next to me didn't move. Instead, a shadow fell over my picture. I bit into my bottom lip slightly. The person didn't speak. Two arms slunk their way around my neck and dangled over my chest. The person pressed their forehead to the back of my head. He spoke.

"…You didn't lie."

"Of course not…Why would I lie…To you?" My voice was weak and cracking. He released me and held out his hand to me. I took it and stood up, He wrapped his arms around me tightly and I pressed my forehead to his shoulder, cries starting to escape me. I fell to my knees and he crouched before me, holding me.

"Don't cry…Don't cry Tohma…"

"I…I gave it all up! I stopped…!" I cried, I could feel myself sobbing into him. He caressed my cheek,

"I'm…Glad." I cried into him, and he gladly held me,

"Shu-chan…God I missed being with you Shu-chan…"

"You won't have to be away from me anymore…" He cooed. We stood up, I hugged him to me as closely as I could, as tightly as possible, without hurting him.

"I love you Shu-chan…"

"I love you too, Tohma." He replied as he leaned up and pressed his lips to mine. I could feel the longing in his kiss and gladly returned it. I would never be away from him again. I told myself. Never.


End file.
